Malala Yousafzai: Her fight for Education

On October 12th Malala was shot by Taliban terrorist for speaking up for girls right to an education. Ever since I heard of her plight I admired her strength and convictions.  Her goal for a right to an education gave me hope. However it also filled me with sadness. There are people dying for the right to education, yet many in our Western society have taken education for granted and do not take advantage of what it can offer.

I am a strong believer in education's power to give people freedom and choices.  It changed my life and has given me access to things that wouldn't have been within my reach.

Her speech to the United Nations is both moving and inspiring.  It is a miracle that she survived the attack and I am thankful that it has given her the strength to continue her campaign for compulsory education for every child. 

It is a thought provoking speech that moves you to analyze all the power of one person and the power of education.  Here is a direct quote from her speech:

"They thought that the bullet would silence us, but they failed...out of that silence came thousands of voices.  The terrorists thought that they would change my aim and curve my ambitions.  But nothing changed in my life except this: Weakness, fear and hopelessness died. Strength, power and courage were born."

Watching her speech I can't believe that she is only 16.  The peace and strength in her voice reminded me of Gandhi and Mandela.  May God protect her and may her dream come true.


Malala Yousafzai Full Speech on BBC

Timeline of Malala's Journey

Malala's Blog on BBC

Malala's Fund at Vital Voices

Women's Life Choices

Knowing what to do with your life is not easy. But once you make a choice. You need to know what your choice means. Don't let societal roles or the media make them for you. Your choice can change, it can even mature with you. Some feminist choices might not resonate with you right now and then one day they totally make sense. Some traditional choices for women might not either now and then one day you find yourself feeling and saying things you would have never said.

After I had my daughter , I completely understood women wanting to stay at home with their children. I floored one of my friends when I said that I envied women who could be stay at home moms and were so happy doing it.  But it is true, to be present for your children physically and emotionally is very important, yes I envy that. Could I do it, nope. That is not my personality and I have to be true to myself.

I think in the beginning feminism gave women a choice not pigeon holed them into a different gender role the one where a woman can't wear make up or love being at home. Feminism gave us the power to make our choices. Let's make it a conscious one and allow others to make their own.  Let's not judge each other for giving up the career ladder and choosing to stay at home with your kids.  There are so many creative and talented women who are staying at home and enjoying their children.  There are so many successful women who are climbing up the career ladder and are wonderful mothers. Then there are the women who choose a career and choose not to have children.  All the choices are fine.  Let's make the best choice for us.

When we are judging women for their choices we are no different than the people who thought women's only choice was to stay at home.  Let's support each other's choices.  Less judging and more supporting would help women go a long way.

Be Stronger Than What Scares You

Sometimes this is very hard to do especially when you are faced with something that is new, important and something you dreamed off.  At times it feels like the fear is choking the desire to go forward.  

I have a new career opportunity and when I first learned about it late last year I was excited beyond belief.  It was something that I had always wanted to do: to be a teacher trainer.  The opportunity seemed so fabulous and I was willing to do anything to make it a reality.  Then as time went on the problems started arising and the little fear of failure in this exciting opportunity became bigger and bigger.  

Two days before my first presentation I found out that the presentation I had been working on for the last week needed a different focus, so I went back to the drawing board and literally spent the whole day and night reworking it and practicing.  I went to the presentation stressed and horrified, because I didn't feel ready with the new material.  I prayed my heart out, had my grandmother, who is a miracle worker, praying up to the last minute.  While I was at the presentation things continued to change, first it seemed like there would be five people, then maybe only two, at the end ten persons came.

Everything went relatively well except the music.  I had not embedded the music into the PowerPoint and so going out of the presentation to play the music became a problem. But I got through it.  I had wanted so much to call it off, to tell my boss I am not ready, you do it, but I kept on hoping and praying and pushing through.

This taught me that I needed to be STRONGER than my fear of failing.  Being strong paid off because I didn't let myself down and now that experience of pushing through helps me push through other times when I am afraid.

Has there been a time when you were afraid, but pushed through you fears? Please share, knowing that others are also afraid, but they chose to be STRONGER than what scared them helps us to know that we can do it too.

He is Not That Into You

Wise words, but do we really take them in.  They are so simple and yet it's difficult to grasp their meaning and much more difficult to accept.  When we like someone, we feel that the feeling is reciprocal and at times it is. Yet we find it difficult to accept that it might not be with the same intensity or for the same goal.

Many hearts would be spared if we could only keep those words in mind when we are trying to decipher if someone is responding to our feelings.  One friend told me a good way was to "Listen to their actions and not their words."  This advice resounded with me and helped me end a relationship where the person was not really that into me. At least not in the way that I wanted, not in the way that his lips where saying he was.

It's hard to accept that someone you are so into is not really that into you. However if you take a step back and look at his actions it becomes clear.  What are they saying? Are they playing the cat and mouse game or are their words consistent with their actions?  If their words do not match their actions you need to take a hard look at the relationship and make a choice: Is this all you want in your life? Would you rather be in a relationship where you don't have wonder if they are into you or not?

When a person is committed to the relationship you can feel it. It is a feeling of peace, calm. It is a feeling of strength and energy to pursue other interests. It is far from that feeling of angst you have when the person is not that committed. If you feel like the relationship is taking all your energy, you never know what to expect, you don't know where you stand and you have to keep feeding the meter in order to get a response then you don’t have commitment.

There is someone for you. Yet there is no room for the right person to come into your life if you are spending time and energy with someone, who is not committed to you.

You have the right to a healthy, committed relationship.  You have the right to feel loved and cared for.  Believe this in your heart and don't settle for less.

Support gender action in HORIZON 2020

Throughout the 2012 policy makers will negotiate the EC proposed framework for HORIZON 2020, leading to its approval by the EU Council and Parliament. The proposed framework makes explicit reference to the importance of the gender dimension.  It states that Horizon 2020 "....should aim at promoting equality between men and women in research and innovation, by addressing in particular the underlying causes of gender imbalance, by exploiting the full potential of both female and male researchers, and by integrating the gender dimension into the content of projects in order to improve the quality of research and stimulate innovation”. A specific gender equality article has been included as part of the proposed structure, Article 15, which states that:  “Horizon 2020 shall ensure the effective promotion of gender equality and the gender dimension in research and innovation content”.  
At the end of last year, genSET presented the Manifesto for Integrated Action on the Gender Dimension in Science and Innovation to the Commissioner for Research, Innovation and Science, Maire Geoghegan-Quinn. This Manifesto is the result of the public consultation run in conjunction with the Gender Summit.  We invite you to sign it by going to http://bit.ly/rLS7cn as an expression of your support and to ensure that the gender dimension remains firmly integrated within HORIZON 2020 framework and programme.

Letting Go

When you care about something or someone letting go is a difficult thing to do.  Stepping back and letting a loved one make their own mistakes is never easy.  At times we feel frustrated because no matter how much we talk to them and provide our wisdom, they continue down the same path that we might feel is the wrong one.  This creates tension in the relationship and sometimes a breakdown in communication.

At times you might even feel angry and as women we might feel the urge to protect and guide, but will find that the object of our concern is not willing to be guided.  This reminds me of that song ¨Wide Open Spaces¨ which talks about having wide open spaces where she can make big mistakes and just like her mother once left her parents to make her own life, she is now leaving.  Human beings have free will not given by men, but a higher power and no man or woman has the right to take that away.  It´s difficult at times to sit on the sidelines and see our young loved ones make choices that we in our wisdom would not make, but they can´t learn from our mistakes, they can´t, just like we couldn´t learn from other people´s lives. If we don´t sit on the sidelines and let them excercise their free will, we run the risk of stifling them or breaking down the connection to them.

I think a lot, I examine my life and others, my mistakes and others and I come up with conclusions, with my own wisdom and this makes it even harder to accept that I don´t have all the answers that I need to just listen and back away.

Positive Thinking

"Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve." ~Napoleon Hill

Of all the authors about positive thinking one of the first ones I read and I still love his wisdom is Napoleon Hill the author of "Think and Grow Rich."  He is widely recognized as the founder of modern personal success literature. His book to me is not only about acquiring financial success, but living a wealthy life.  A life full of hope and getting you want.  I read Napoleon Hill when I was living in Miami at a time when I need it direction.  I have read it many times over my life.  I just can't get over all the wisdom in the book and when ever I feel I need a pick me up I read it and it does just that lift my spirits.

In his book "Keys to Success" he outlines the 17 principles of success.  Here is the first one Definiteness of Purpose: "Don't be like a ship at sea without a rudder, powerless and directionless.  Decide what you want, find out how to get it, and then take daily action toward achieving your goal.  You will get exactly and only what you ask and work for."  You can find the 17 principles in beautiful scrolls at the Napoleon Hill Foundation website.  I downloaded them to my screen saver that way I can have daily reminders.

I also signed up for his Daily Inspiration, so that I can receive his quotes in my email.  One of my favorite quotes of his is: "

Hold On to Hope

Today I had lunch with a friend who is having way too many problems, financial, marriage, children, but they are not from today, they are continuous.  The more I would try to guide her toward a solution the more she assured me there was none.  After I was with my friend I felt depleted of energy and a little more negative than I had started the day. At times I wondered am I like that with my own life. You know what helps me, reading positive quotes, books, affirmations, listening to positive speeches.  I can literally get myself out of a slump by filling myself with positive feedback.

There is a crisis, it's hard to ignore that there is, but do we need to hear how much the unemployment is rising, how much big corporations are not paying their share of taxes, how much unrest there is in the world day in and  day out.  I am not proposing that we ignore what is going on around us, I am just saying what if we all began to see the glass half full and continued trying to improve our lives.  Wouldn't that help make things better.  How does it help that we listen to the media with their dooms day story until we can't see straight and we get depressed.

It sure doesn't help me.  So lately I have surrounded myself with positive quotes all over my house, in my purse in my nightstand.  I listen to Suze Orman on my ride on the Metro.  I listen to Stephen Covey when I get insomnia and I can't sleep.  Hold on to hope, it will help Weaweather the storm.

International Women's Day 2012

This March 8th is International Women's Day 2012.  There are various events taking place all over the world.  At their website International Women's Day you can search for events that are being held in your area.

I liked this event in particular.  Join me on the Bridge - This is the third year that women from congo and Rwanda joined together on the bridge connecting their two countries, showing that they could build bridges of peace and hope for their countries.  This action became a worldwide movement and this International Women's Day thousands of people will show that they are with the women of Afghanistan, Iraq, Congo, Rwanda, South Sudan and other war-torn countries.

Go to their website and look for an event in your area and stand with these women to give them strength and to show we support their demands for peace and equality. Women are peace builders and with equality at the peace negotiation tables and governing bodies of their countries they will build a more peaceful world.  Stronger women are building the bridges of peace for our future. With your support we will be even stronger.

If you are interested in watching some videos about the International Women's Day celebrations you can find them on Youtube Intenational Women's Day

Catalina de Erauso

I am Reading the book “Mujeres Olvidadas” (Forgotten Women)there I found the name of Catalina de Erauso known as the Lieutenant Nunalthough Catalina never formally became a nun. Her story is one of the most controversial that happened in the NewWorld.  Catalina lived in the 16^thcentury, a time of conquistadors and in spite of the restrictions imposed onwomen during that time by the church and monarchy she decided to leave theconvent, change her identity and travel to America disguised as a man.  She broke with all the repressive norms againstwomen of her era and she was able to join the military and she was one of thefirst female adventurers in the New World.

She was sent as an intern in a convent of San Sebastian elAntiguo since she was 4 years old.  At 15after a beating by another nun, she escaped the convent, she cut her hair andshe disguised herself as a man.  In battlesshe was a great warrior.  She lovedgambling, horses, flirting with women and quarreling.  She was arrested because of a quarrel.  In jail, to avoid being sentenced, she askedfor clemency from the bishop, to whom she related her story.  She also assured him she was a virgin.  After some midwives proved that she was avirgin, the bishop sent her to Spain. There she was seen by king Felipe IV and she appealed that she came froma noble family and that she had fought for the crown.  The king allowed her to keep her militarystatus of Lieutenant and she received a significant reward for servicesrendered to the crown in the Americas and she was also able to keep her malename.  Her fame was such that when shevisited Rome Pope Urbano VIII authorized her to continue dressing as aman.  Since she didn’t like fame she decidedto go to Mexico where she started a transport business and she lived thereuntil her last days.

Catalina wrote an autobiography that was published in Francein 1829.  Her life was translated intovarious languages and has been an inspiration of other books, plays, zarzuelasand movies.

This story leaves me confused and I still can’t pinpointwhy.  On the one hand it proves that theroles assigned to women are just that, roles, they are not real, but imposed bysociety.  But on the other hand the partof virginity leaves me stunned, it is one more proof of men’s obsession withcontrolling female sexuality and as long as we respect the role of allowingthem sexual liberty while as women we abstain, even disguised as men, there isno problem.

Erauso Autobiography

7-Habits - Progress with Habit #1

I have been working on Habit #1: Be Proactive for the last month, but I must continue working on it, because although I made some strides I still need to work on it some more.  The progress I have made is to keep on doing the things I need to do and not allowing external influences dictate what I do or how I feel.  So although for the last 2 weeks I have been sick first with a stomach flu and then with a cold and ear infection.  I've continued, as much as I could, with my activities, taking rests only when I couldn't handle it anymore.  And as soon as I felt better I began to work on all the work that had backed up.

The part I still need to work on is being responsible for my decisions and not letting procrastination make them for me.  For example I decided I wanted to cut down on some of my private clients because I picked up more classes at the Institute where I work and I was getting overwhelmed.  I also decided that I wanted to focus on adults and keep the clients that I had been working with since the beginning, but I was not proactive in resolving some issues I had with these clients and they dropped me.  I was upset about the way they handled things, but taking responsibility for my actions is part of Habit #1 and I understand that next time I have to deal with my problems head on instead of letting inaction make things explode in my face.

The other thing of Habit #1 that I still need to work on is on focusing on my Circle of Influence (those things I have control over) and not so  much energy on worrying about conditions over which I have no control.  This is the one I am having the hardest time with.

So, I will remain working with Habit #1 for the rest of this month. The thing I will do different is that I will keep this Habit top of mind.  For example I am going to create myself a note about this Habit and place it every where I can see it. This will keep being Proactive top of mind.

7 Habits... - Habit 1

"Your life doesn't just "happen." Whether you know it or not, it is carefully designed by you. The choices, after all, are yours. You choose happiness. You choose sadness. You choose decisiveness. You choose ambivalence. You choose success. You choose failure. You choose courage. You choose fear." 7 Habits of Highly Effective People -Stephen Covey

Today I went to a conference on volunteering and gender through an organization I volunteer at called Federacion de Mujeres Progresitas (Federation of Progressive Women FPW) and as I listened to some of the messages about women and volunteering, something bothered me and I couldn't put my finger on it.

Tonight when I was reading the 1st Habit of Highly Effective People I realized what it was that bugged me.  As Stephen Covey puts it there are two types of people Proactive and Reactive.  He says that proactive people focus their efforts on their Circle of Influence.  They work on the things they can do something about:health, children, problems at work. Reactive people focus on things over which they have little or no control: national debt, terrorism, weather, he calls this the Circle of Concern.

Today at the conference some of the conversations where focused on the Circle of Concern and it struck a nerve.  I also met some fabulous people who are very proactive and are doing wonderful things as volunteers to help other women and themselves.  One person who really impressed me was a young lawyer from Latin America who had such an amazing positive attitude to move forward with her life and to help others despite her own circumstances.  It is so refreshing to meet women who don't focus on gender roles or the obstacles we face as women, but who see the barriers yet continue to move forward to reach their goals.

As women we face many challenges, roles that want to limit us, media that feed us messages to keep the status quo of the patriarchal societies we live in, but we have to say no living a proactive life, the life we choose.

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People is a great read, especially at times that you are needing a little support in achieving your goals.  For me right now it is just what I need.  I've decided to focus on one habit a week, so that I may really own it and live with it.  So for this week it is Habit 1, being proactive.

Men's Magazines References to Women

I recently got this link on my FB account to an article about a study done comparing comments in British men's magazines to the comments about women made by convicted rapists.  The article is in Jezebel.com.  When I read the article I was flabergasted to say the least and at the same time not that surprised.  It's inconceivable that in this day and age women's decision to say no, is still seen as playing hard to get.  It was actually hard to tell which comments were made by the rapists and which ones were made in the men's magazine. Can you tell which one is a comment made by a rapists and which one was made by a men's magazine:

"3. A girl may like anal sex because it makes her feel incredibly naughty and she likes feeling like a dirty slut. If this is the case, you can try all sorts of humiliating acts to help live out her filthy fantasy.

6. Filthy talk can be such a turn on for a girl . . . no one wants to be shagged by a mouse . . . A few compliments won't do any harm either . . . ‘I bet you want it from behind you dirty whore' . . .

7. You know girls in general are all right. But some of them are bitches . . . The bitches are the type that . . . need to have it stuffed to them hard and heavy.

9. You'll find most girls will be reluctant about going to bed with somebody or crawling in the back seat of a car . . . But you can usually seduce them, and they'll do it willingly."

I couldn't and it is really sad that through these magazines we are promoting violence against women. As the   article says  "...are teenage boys and young men best prepared for fulfilling love and sex when they normalize views about women that are disturbingly close to those mirrored in the language of sexual offenders?"

I call upon you to keep on saying no to this normalization of the degradation of women.  You don't have to go protest these magazines, although if you did especially the advertisers who advertise in them, that would certainly make an impact.  You can read these magazines yourself if a male in your family buys them and see what they are saying.  If you find something offensive toward women, point it out to the male who is reading these magazines.

If you are lucky and no male in your family or friends reads these magazines, you can say no every time those men in your life who love you make derogatory comments, joking mind you, and ask them to think about what they are saying.  Telling them that promoting disrespect toward women promotes violence against women.

I recently had to make a comment on my nephew's FB account when he mentioned hoes in reference to women.  I wasn't sure whether to address it or let it go, I didn't want him to un-friend me, but I can't see someone who I love and know loves and respects me, forget that when he speaks of women in such a manner he is disrespecting me and all women.  I think he got the point, I hope he got the point.

We need to stop calling women hoes, bitches, ball-busters and all the other terms that denigrate women.  We need to keep on saying "No means no," until it resonates in men throughout the world.  We need to eradicate it from our language and mentality until it is, we as women will continue to fight an uphill battle in the violence against women.

Wide Open Spaces

"Wide Open Spaces" - Dixie Chicks--

My niece introduced me to the Dixie Chicks.  The first song I heard was "You Were Mine" and everytime I heard that song I would cry.  I even listened to it when I needed a good cry and I couldn't  cry, this song would do it for me.  But then to lift myself out I would listen to "Wide Open Spaces", because this song was about me and my eternal search for wider spaces.  I know sometimes it's hard for our families to understand when we go searching out in the world.  But I think that after all these years my family has accepted it.  At times it is still hard for me to accept and now that I am a 5,735 miles (9,229 km) from California and I miss my family I wish at times that I would have been happy staying at home, but it isn't me.  So every now and I gain I listen to this song to remind me that it's ok to need Wide Open Spaces.

Eleanor Roosevelt

It is hard to sum up Eleanor Roosevelt's life and contributions to society and especially women.  From a woman who once said, "It was a wife's duty to be interested in whatever interested her husband..." to the independent, politically active woman she became in her later years. In contrast she wrote in her final years, "I could not, at any age, really be contented to take my place in a warm corner by the fireside and simply look on". Her quotes always caught my attention because they are very strong, however when I began researching her biography I began to understand where her quotes came from.  Her mother a society belle was disappointed at Eleanor's "plain looks and lack of manners," which left Eleanor feeling "an inordinate desire for affection and praise."  Later in her youth she was severely ashamed at her lack of suitors.  She married her fifth cousin Franklin Delano Roosevelt. Once she was married her overly controlling mother-in-law controlled her family. Although she became more politically involved in the postwar era, it was in 1921 when Franklin was paralyzed by polio that he greatly relied on her mobility.  Their political relationship became stronger, but their personal relationship had been damaged by his betrayal with her social secretary, Lucy Mercer. After this she increased her political involvement and got closer to a group of independent, assertive women friends who were involved in various political and reform groups. Eleanor care about the immigrants, women and the marginal groups. She actively supported anti-lynching campaigns and fought for fair housing for minorities. She wrote daily from 1936 to 1962 in her "My Day"columns about all the issues she was interested in.  The columns were published nationally reaching millions of Americans. After her husband's death her most recognized legacy was her work on the Universal Declaration of Human Rights when she was chairperson of the United Nations Commission on Human Rights. Seeing her history it is easy to understand her quotes and the conviction with which she said them.  She is an example to follow because she did not let obstacles stop her instead  she faced them.  Not only that but she looked beyond her own life to fight to make life better for others.  I want to the same in my life, to have the strength to "look fear in the face" and do the things that I am afraid of doing.

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."       ~~~~~~ "You gain strength, experience and confidence by every experience where you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing you cannot do."    ~~~~~~ "A woman is like a tea bag - you can't tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water."

Olympe de Gouges

"Why this unswerving prejudice against my sex? Any why is it said, as I have quite clearly heard, that the Comédie Francaise should not put on any plays by women. I am a woman, but not rich ... Will it ever be allowed for women to escape from the terror of poverty other than by base means." 


The more I read about this woman, the more I wish to honor her courage for she suffered death at the hands of those very men she supported during the French Revolution.  She was made an example to warn other women not to forget their proper place.  In her Declaration of the Rights of Woman and the Female Citizen (1791) she challenged the practice of male authority and the notion of male-female inequality.

Although women were active in the French Revolution, and many assumed that they deserved it by right of their active participation in the Revolution, those rights were limited to males.  Olympe de Gouges spoke out for herself and many of the women in France when she wrote her Declaration to mirror the "Declaration of the Rights of man and of the Citizen" in it she echoed the same language, but extended it to women also.  In this Declaration she asserted woman's ability to reason and make moral decisions.  She said that women were not simply the same as man, but they were his equal partner.

Unfortunately, she assumed too much when she thought she had the right to even act as a member of the public.  She violated boundaries that most of the revolutionary leaders wanted to preserve.  Among her challenges was that women, as citizens had the right to free speech, and therefore had the right to the identity of the fathers of their children which at the time women did not have.  She asserted that children born out of wedlock had the same rights as legitimate children.  This brought into question the assumption that only men could satisfy their sesual desire outside of marriage, and that they could do so without fearing any responsability for reproduction.  If they were not only political, rational citizens, but were part of the reproduction,then perhaps, women should be members of the political and public side of society.

For making this assertions public and refusing to remain quiet about the Rights of Woman and associating with the wrong side, the Girondist, she was arrested in 1893 and was sent to the guillotine.

Born Marie Gouze, she was a French playwright and political activist whose feminist and abolitionistwritings reached a large audience.She began her career as a playwright in the early 1780s. As political tension rose in France, de Gouges became increasingly politically involved. She became an outspoken advocate for improving the condition of slaves in the colonies as of 1788. At the same time, she began writing political pamphlets. Today she is perhaps best known as an early feminist who demanded that French women be given the same rights as French men. In her Declaration of the Rights of Woman and the Female Citizen (1791), she challenged the practice of male authority and the notion of male-female inequality. She was executed by guillotine during the Reign of Terror for attacking the regime of Maximilien Robespierre and for her close relation with the Girondists.