He is Not That Into You

Wise words, but do we really take them in.  They are so simple and yet it's difficult to grasp their meaning and much more difficult to accept.  When we like someone, we feel that the feeling is reciprocal and at times it is. Yet we find it difficult to accept that it might not be with the same intensity or for the same goal.

Many hearts would be spared if we could only keep those words in mind when we are trying to decipher if someone is responding to our feelings.  One friend told me a good way was to "Listen to their actions and not their words."  This advice resounded with me and helped me end a relationship where the person was not really that into me. At least not in the way that I wanted, not in the way that his lips where saying he was.

It's hard to accept that someone you are so into is not really that into you. However if you take a step back and look at his actions it becomes clear.  What are they saying? Are they playing the cat and mouse game or are their words consistent with their actions?  If their words do not match their actions you need to take a hard look at the relationship and make a choice: Is this all you want in your life? Would you rather be in a relationship where you don't have wonder if they are into you or not?

When a person is committed to the relationship you can feel it. It is a feeling of peace, calm. It is a feeling of strength and energy to pursue other interests. It is far from that feeling of angst you have when the person is not that committed. If you feel like the relationship is taking all your energy, you never know what to expect, you don't know where you stand and you have to keep feeding the meter in order to get a response then you don’t have commitment.

There is someone for you. Yet there is no room for the right person to come into your life if you are spending time and energy with someone, who is not committed to you.

You have the right to a healthy, committed relationship.  You have the right to feel loved and cared for.  Believe this in your heart and don't settle for less.

Letting Go

When you care about something or someone letting go is a difficult thing to do.  Stepping back and letting a loved one make their own mistakes is never easy.  At times we feel frustrated because no matter how much we talk to them and provide our wisdom, they continue down the same path that we might feel is the wrong one.  This creates tension in the relationship and sometimes a breakdown in communication.

At times you might even feel angry and as women we might feel the urge to protect and guide, but will find that the object of our concern is not willing to be guided.  This reminds me of that song ¨Wide Open Spaces¨ which talks about having wide open spaces where she can make big mistakes and just like her mother once left her parents to make her own life, she is now leaving.  Human beings have free will not given by men, but a higher power and no man or woman has the right to take that away.  It´s difficult at times to sit on the sidelines and see our young loved ones make choices that we in our wisdom would not make, but they can´t learn from our mistakes, they can´t, just like we couldn´t learn from other people´s lives. If we don´t sit on the sidelines and let them excercise their free will, we run the risk of stifling them or breaking down the connection to them.

I think a lot, I examine my life and others, my mistakes and others and I come up with conclusions, with my own wisdom and this makes it even harder to accept that I don´t have all the answers that I need to just listen and back away.